And this blog is moving!

Well, today I was messing around with my blog, and Blogger caused me to accidentally delete one of my blog posts, so I'm not even going to mess with Blogger anymore. I'm moving my blog to tumblr, which I have never had problems with in the past.

See you over there!

http://andjoycomesinthemorning.tumblr.com/

God bless,
Ashley Curriston

And sometimes we need to look at things twice. Or thrice.

Yesterday, my dad pulled me aside and asked me to read the serenity prayer aloud.

God grant me 

The serenity to accept 

the things I cannot change

the courage to change 

those things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Then, he showed me that he had seen my previous blog post on my anxieties about my upcoming trip. He read through each thing on my list and helped me to put everything in to perspective. This is all in God's hands, and although it is natural to be anxious, I should not be scared because I am forever living in the grasp of my Heavenly Father. 

Thanks, Dad, for reminding me of Truth. 

God bless,

Ashley 

And we are all called to go, but no one ever said that going would be easy.

Wow. I can't believe this is actually happening.
I am leaving for the Dominican Republic in less than a week.
I will be boarding a flight to Atlanta (and from there, a flight to Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic) at 5:30 AM, on Monday, May 28. I will be there until Thursday, July 19.
I'm so overwhelmed with emotions and anxiety that I don't even really have words to describe what I'm truly feeling right now, but here are some things that pop in to my head right now:

• I haven't exactly finished my assigned reading . . .  that was assigned to me in February.
• I think part of me is afraid that I'm not nearly spiritually prepared enough for this. 
• I have almost no idea of what is expected of me when I arrive, so I'm a little afraid that I won't be able to live up to what is expected of me.
• I keep trying to remind myself not to have any preconceived notions of what I will be doing there, so to compensate, I'm trying to prepare for every possible situation that could ever potentially happen. 
• Every time I travel anywhere, I always have some anxiety that I'm forgetting something incredibly important. (Like . . .  underwear. Or soap.) This time, I've drawn up a packing checklist. I just hope that I'm not forgetting to put something on my packing checklist. 
• My flight leaves at 5:30 AM. Which means I will have to be at the airport at, like . . .  3:30 AM. Yay.
• No phone for 2 months!
• Last time I left the country, I got appendicitis (allegedly) and thought I was dying. 
• Four words: Malaria, Denque, Typhoid, Cholera.
• What if I forget to take my Malaria pills?!?!
• Other than clowning, I have essentially NO IDEA what I will be doing for the next 8 weeks. None. 
• I need to learn how to twist balloons better. I'm not very good or very fast.
• I hope I have enough room in my luggage for everything I need to pack! 
• Not knowing what I'm going to be doing ahead of time makes me anxious, but it's also a little bit exciting.
• I'm flying Delta. Delta sucks. Truly. 
• I don't want to be strip-searched/felt-up at the airport.
• I've never done a mission trip for more than a week, and I've definitely never done one alone. I'm afraid this is going to be a lot more taxing than I ever expected.
• I'm afraid of doing something wrong. 
• I think part of me is afraid that I'm going to hate it. I've been planning on doing something in missions for a profession since I was 13, so if I hate it, I don't know what I would do with my life. 
• I'm afraid of realizing that I'm too materialistic or selfish or that I value comfort too much for the missions field.
• Sometimes I forget to drink water. I cannot forget to drink water. 
• Sunburn. Bug bites. Heat stroke. Diarrhea.
• I'm afraid that God will realize I'm terrible and selfish and decide not to call me to missions. 
• I'm afraid of not being able to accomplish the goals that I set out for myself while I'm there. 
• Hurricanes. Tropical Storms. Earthquakes.
• I can't wait to see all the beautiful people!
• I still need to write out my testimony, and I have no idea what I'm going to write about.
• I'm afraid that my grandma will die while I am gone. She is so sick. And unlike Matthew's grandfather, there's pretty much no way she is going to Heaven.
• I know that God will work some wonderful things through me, or at least in spite of me. I'm looking forward to watching it unfold. 
• When I went to Costa Rica alone, I knew a few of the people already from the summer before. This time, I know almost nothing about everyone that I will meet for the next 8 weeks, including the missionaries. That's a little bit daunting. 
• I hope that I get to hold some precious little black babies. I love black babies. Actually, I love all babies.

So, if you could, please just pray for my peace of mind. I'm definitely going to need it. 

God bless,

Ashley

P.S. I'm just gonna leave this here . . .

and jealousy is not a virtue

I feel like a terrible, terrible person. I know so many people who are graduating from college, getting engaged, married, and actually going places in their lives. I am so happy for each and every one of them, but I'm also just a little bit jealous. I feel as though I am stuck. From where I'm standing, graduation seems ages away. And Matthew and I have talked about getting married, but he doesn't want to get married until I graduate. Some days, that is SO HARD to fathom. I just want to feel like I'm going places in my life, too. Instead, I just feel terribly stuck. I don't think God gifted me with the virtue of patience.

And so, my heart aches.

Today, my heart hurts. It hurts so bad, it aches. It feels like I'm lost in a hole that I just can't seem to get out of. And for once, this hurt is not my own, but the hurt of one of my very best friends. And so, my heart aches.

Three years ago today, she lost one of her best friends in a car accident. When I learned that he had died, it was one of those moments that just overcame me like a tsunami. I had heard so much about this boy whose sense of humor brought her so much joy. Who had been the confidante she had needed during some hard times. Who she loved infinitely. Who was texting her potentially just moments before he died. I never met this boy. I only knew him through the kind words of his (and my) dear friend. I don't even know very much about him. I know that he was a self-professed "happy" atheist. I know that he had somewhat of a hard life. I know that he loved music. I know that he loved my friend very, very much. And other than that, I don't know much else about him. I never had the chance to meet him. And even if I had, would I have said a word about my Lord? Probably not. I usually don't. And so, my heart aches.

My heart aches for lost loves and for lost friends. For lost faith and for lost hope. For lost opportunities and for lost souls. And most of all, my heart aches because I am too afraid to talk to my dear friend about our Lord because I know the turmoil that is going on in her heart. I tread lightly when I talk to her about my faith, because I know that she won't let herself believe in the Almighty God. Because if she believes, if she admits that there is a Lord over all the world, then she has to admit that her dear friend, the self-professed Atheist, would have no chance of having made it to Heaven. If she believes, then as she says it, his life and his death were all in vain. And I have tried and tried and tried to come up with an explanation for why she should believe in a God that would allow someone she loved so much to die so soon. I have no words, no explanation that could possibly lessen her pain at the loss of a dear friend. And so, my heart aches.

I want so desperately for my darling, dear friend to come to know the loving, merciful God who keeps me safe in His arms with every breath I take. I know that He is just, gracious, merciful, loving, powerful, and almighty. I know these things in my heart because I have seen it; with my own two eyes I have seen it. He has brought me out of the pits of Hell time and time again, and I know that my God is good. But, I have no idea how to bring her to know God's mercy and goodness when all she can see is this travesty of injustice and lost life that ripped from her heart whatever faith she may have had left. And so, my heart aches.

Dearest Lord, please, oh please show Yourself to my dear friend. She needs You whether she knows it or acknowledges it or not. She needs to know what it feels like to be loved by You, Lord. I certainly don't have the means to bring her to You, and so, I give it all up to you, Lord. You are certainly more great than anything I could ever profess about You. And, if anyone can breach the pits of Hell, it is most certainly You, Lord. If anyone can give someone peace in their hearts when they are feeling unspeakable pain, it is most certainly You, Lord. My heart aches, Lord, for all the lost souls in this world. I just pray that You would please, oh please, use me to lessen the numbers of those lost souls, and I pray, I fervently pray, that she would be one of those souls. I pray that you would draw her near to You, Lord. You are sovereign in all things, and I know that you can bring even those who seem to be irrevocably lost to Your heart, Lord.

Amen.

I know that even if my friend comes to love the Lord, there will always be a place in her heart that knows her dear friend is suffering in eternity. She will always, daily, hourly, have to wrestle with what it means to be a believer. And so, my heart aches.